Saturday, May 5, 2012

It's just a part of my life...

Looking at a blessed mommy

I sit here tonight in silence while my family sleeps and I anxiously await my
departure to be admitted to the hospital tomorrow.
I have made two guides in the care of my little Michael and baby girl Madison.
My plans are to have the house clean, laundry done, prescription and treatment guide completed for tomorrow, packed and the guide to certain foods for the children and what stores to get them at. That way Mike, my mom & dad (in-law) or anyone else who comes to help can have these common questions answered and feel more relaxed during their stay.

My sleep will be far from my eyes tonight. Between the anxious and worrisome of having things complete and at ease, the moment of honesty has yet again found it’s way to remind me I am a CF carrier and though I own my disease it will always be apart of my family and my daily life.

I laugh to myself when I hear people leisurely say “it’s apart of life”. However I can’t help but to feel if they’re not directly affected with my disease such as my family (friends included as family) and myself then how can they define it as a part of everyday life?
I may not be able to relate to others and their situations, but God knows I do slowly consider it and if it is truly “a part of life” that anyone can relate to, then yes it deserves a good leisurely laugh.

My big and little babies :)

 I feel so gracious to be sitting typing and hear the sounds of my family sleeping.
Mike has fallen asleep on the couch, Madison In her bed, Michael sleeping soundly in his crib and of course Buster snoring & Maggie curled in a ball asleep.
This I will miss so much.
Many people dislike or care not to have a routine amongst their household. Some think that a routine is for “older” people, but I am a happy bee with my to the “T” routine.
My family runs like clockwork and not that it have too, but because we enjoy it.
It is so funny in the evening when Maddie at about 7pm becomes so tired and goofy ready for bed. After her hugs and kisses I no sooner get her tucked in and little Michael is whining to be rocked to sleep. The beauty of such is that Mike and I have the house to ourselves from 7:30 on. We are such hardcore partiers when the sandman takes over the kids and we can begin our evening.
Oh yes, we smile and take the deep breath that says, “Yes(!) I made it through today!” then a nice evening stroll through our yard looking at our garden, pond, honeybees and anything else that catches our eyes. Back in the house for some TV and before you know it about 8:30 the sandman pays a visit to Mike and by 9 he breezes past me.
Our days work about the same with everything falling into place.
I love my family.
We nose bumped & stole kisses :D

Speaking of "love"

My sunshine had her recital today and yes how I love her and every little thing she does. My God has blessed me with a girl that a mother can proudly stand beside and feel like a blessed soul to be within her presence.
Today taking her shopping for makeup (she can only wear on such occasions), breakfast and getting ready for her performances I was awe struck not only by her beauty but most of all the person she is. She is so respectful and considerate of others, but most of all she laughs a contagious laugh, a smile that warms the heart and a hug and kiss that can make the day disappear. I could not imagine my laugh without my daughter.
“Thank you God for blessing me the gift of a daughter”.

Little Michael, oh my son. Him and his gum smile just melts me away.
God ha blessed me with the best of both worlds. I love my baby girl and when mothers would say the love between a mom and son is indescribable, well let’s just say I now understand. “Bless you God. You alone know all and all things through You are a treasured gift”.

I can not describe the love in my heart for my children for they are now the reason I believe God made my very existence, They alone are all I need in this life.
When I leave for the two weeks or so in the hospital the pain of living my daily life without them, the agonizing silence of no one else sleeping around me will seem unbearable.

My Cystic Fibrosis is a wicked dwelling that at times takes me away from my family, but it is also a blessing.
Yes I go away for short increments and as I get older and my path on this earth becomes a little more rocky (Jesus guiding my through the mountains every step of the way) and my absent extends I know my family each and every one of them will be by my side.
The blessing of CF is that with each departure and return I am reminded of the gifts in my life. I see those who are here for me and love me as I am. But most of all my heart longs for a deeper relationship and my love each and everyday grows for all of my family.
Every kiss, hug, tuck in bed, laughter and experience I get to be blessed with from my children and mate I know that life is short, but my blessings are here with them.

I will be home soon. I do believe I will be healed of the possible blood clots in my lungs and pneumonia. I will get my routine down and fight for the gifts and their blessings God has been so gracious to surround me with for my time on earth.

Courtney, Mariah, me & Barbara My sissies
My brother Eli
My little Brother Levi

My sweet Rachael & her precious Jensen
My sissies Courtney & Tish

Sister from another mother ;) Heather

My dad Jay
My sister Penny :)
My papa
One of my Moms Jenifer
My Papa and Grandma

Mike's parents but another Mom & Dad to me :)

Mike & my Grammie
My mom Margaret
My dad Mickey
My lovable Stevie
My uncle Charlie
My lovable Judy
My aunt Cheryl

This is just a few to name out of my supportive family that God has been so gracious to give me.

I wish you a blessed week…My love to you for reading my blog and pictures, may everyday be filled with sunshine, warm hugs and laughter


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