Saturday, April 21, 2012

A lost spirit

I hope to achieve the serenity and peace that Buster has.
I have had many visions lately and painfully feel disconnected from my soul.
This is a great concern seeing how it is causing me to slip into a state of mental and partial physical immobility.
I have prayed, but not enough. I know I am lost and God is reaching out to me.
In a recent dream there I was confronted with this hideous dark crocodile I felt so scared and afraid by it's black eyes the deep pain and hatred it seem to put off. While he swam there were tiny innocent alligators moving about and he began to eat them one by one. As each one was devoured I began to slip away and felt I was dying. I drifted to a dream I have had since I was about 7 to 8 years of age, once again I was with some one and climbed over many rocks until I came to this path through the woods. But this time as a began to depart from the one who was with me I journeyed up to the forked paths, I looked forth the path I had and could continue on so smooth uphill through the forest floor or I now had an option of taking a right handed high weeded, branch, webbed uncharted path. I choose to go right and by doing so it was an amazing journey.

I walked further out of sight and through the heavy over heads and growing weeds and then I was wisp away by these beautiful spirits, my heart lit up and further I went. I came to an over headed walk doorway (a place from a hike of mine in VA) once I passed through there and traveled the spirits wanted to give me something, but there they stopped my dream and waits for me.

I know what this means. It is very clear to me.
If I continue on the path that I am traveling it will lead to my demise both spiritually and physically.
I need to push past all objects and make a change in my body and spirit, I have been commanded to a spiritual quest and must go and be patient through prayer, meditation and self improvement to receive what God whats to give.

I am so grateful that God, the holy spirit are here and guiding me towards a better life. I have lost my way and He is here with His hand stretched out to help me through this weird stuck spot I am in.
I need Him and His guidance, I need Him.

I am going to practice more with meditation, loving myself and daily devotions and prayer.

In the next weekend or two Mike and I will be hiking the entirety of a weekend starting at the path that was brought forth to me in my dream. Peace, nature, mother earth and God's spirit will give me the tools to turn my life around.

If I do not do this, I will continue to struggle with ambition to do my medicines and exercise, patience with those I love around me, but most of all my spiritual life will depart further then one should ever be from the flock and love of Jesus.

I praise Him for this opportunity and bringing forth His love and kindness.

I wanted to share this to those with CF or any one who finds themselves lost in either way.
I do believe that faith , love and respect are the qualities that helps build the foundation to which we live our lives for those around us and most of all God.
Having CF is a challenge and I will say it is not a disease one can fight alone or just with family.
Feed your body the healthiest foods, but most of all feed your spirit and believe to breathe free one day!



  1. Good luck! It can be so hard sometimes to pull ourselves out of those really rough patches. I, too, have had those moments where I can palpably feel God reaching out to me. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend of hiking!

    1. Thank you so much.
      I am very excited for our hike. Everyday my spirit becomes more restless and filled with an abundant amount of energy.
      Have a great coming May!
      And of course I will update my hike with you all :)